Alignment Series Part 5: What To Do With Pain
In the fall of 2016, I spent three months in bed. I experienced a grief more than I’d ever known, and I thought it was God who caused it. I blamed Him for the pain. When you believe the one you love, and the one who is supposed to love you with an unfailing love, hurt and betrayed you, turning to that one is unlikely the first response. I was afraid to turn to God.
The reality of my pain and struggle was too great, so I escaped into an imaginary world. I have access to Netflix on my iPhone, so during those three months in a dark room and darkness of my soul, I binged on almost nine seasons of “Grey’s Anatomy”. I couldn’t and wouldn’t process the pain, because it was so great.
I’m not sharing this with you because I think I made the right choice. I am sharing it with you because I want you to know that God is not afraid of our human weakness. Lysa Terkeurst said it so well: “God’s not running from our mess. He’s climbing in it to be right there with us.”
Just because I turned away from God in my heart, didn’t mean God turned away from me. Just because I didn’t want to think about my pain, didn’t mean God didn’t care about my pain. Just because I was afraid to turn to Him because I thought He was the one that hurt me, didn’t mean that He was the one who hurt me. As much as my struggle surprised me, none of it surprised God.
Just because I made the choice to escape didn’t mean I was getting better. In fact I got worse and worse, and my days were riddled with emotional, mental, and physical breakdowns. Things didn’t start getting better until I made the choice to turn to God just as I was, and was honest with Him about all that I was feeling.
My choice to turn to God did not bring immediate healing, but it did begin the process of healing. The Lord called it rehabilitation and gave me permission to take all the time I needed to rest and recover before I started running my race again.
I want to encourage you, friend. God does not want to just heal you, He wants to make you whole. Allow your pain to draw you to God, offer it to Him and see how He turns your ashes into beauty and your bitter into sweet. And remember, “Ours is a Gospel of resurrection. Whatever loss may come, that is not the end of the story” (John Eldredge). Amen.
Believing with you,
P.S. You can find all the posts in the series HERE.